So, I am considering making a whole different web site for baby news because there are people who want easy access but i don't want them reading all this stuff. Don't know yet. Oh, and Ginger has hip problems, just what I need. Dumb woofer, if she had just not jumped all those fences and ran away so many times they might be less worn out.
Baby news. (after reviewing last few posts i realized i eluded to baby's secx but did not tell. ITS A GIRL. Or atleast we hope so since thats what they saw) She's a movin and a shakin. Dr couldn't find a heartbeat at this last visit (11/8/05) and i thought mine ahd stopped too. Upon further looksies through ultrasound we found she is just hanging out in the back and there is massive placenta and such between her and the belly, and she was squirming and rolling around in the ultrasound. Which, thankfully, may explain some of the back pain. Instead of kicking my belly and ribs it's just the spine. Hopefully she'll move up in the world and stop hanging back there. I have gained a whopping 4.5 inches on the belly but have yet to gain massive weight, only 3 pounds total. She's sucking the fat out of me and geting large though, still too big for her age.
Oh Dr put me on Zoloft. I am very close to killing my husband so he thought it best. Yes I know the side effects yadayada so dont preach at me(kim). Im not stupid and nieve and believe all the dr says but id rather have my sanity and marriage safe and deal with a crabby baby in the long run than give birth in prison. much better option as i see it. anyway, thats all for now, oh and i registered at babys r us, went a little crazy and lots of big stuff for family members to buy so dont look at that crap. Unless of course this is my brother in which case buy away. Talk to everyone soon.
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Am I done yet?
So apparently I have been lazy in my writing, and i appologize. Between goin gback to work and agonizing over this pregnancy I have been a little bit preoccupied. BUT, all is well, so far. Second trimester so I have less to worry about but my doctor is determined to make me worry. I go in on the 26th for a follow up super ultrasound (not the one done in his office, the one at the perinatal lab)to make sure all is well after our scare. I am pretty sure everyone knows about that one...if not let me know and I will inform. I am trying to figure out how to get my other ultrasound pics up but they don't scan well, too dark. Oh, any even though it's a little early we MAY (stressing the may) be able to tell the sex next wednesday.
Anything else interesting? Not really, boring life stuff. Just trying to get through every day and make it to 40 weeks, 26 more to go.
Anything else interesting? Not really, boring life stuff. Just trying to get through every day and make it to 40 weeks, 26 more to go.
Thursday, August 18, 2005
One of those days
I am not adding anything about my doctor's appt on Monday till I talk to him, should be today, maybe tomorrow. Instead I would like to revisit some favorite pics, maybe you can laugh and awwww with me.
Me and David, eons ago, on Thanksgiving. I like this picture because we are both smiling (doesn't usually happen in our pics). He likes it because, well, he;s a guy and there is clevage.
My ABSOLUTE fav pic of David. He just looks so damn sexy.
I wanted one of my brother and this is one of my favs. This I think was a training exercise they were doing to keep busy. Don't they just look all intimidating.
MY PUPPY!!! I love Ginger. Isn't she the MOST adorable girl dog ever? Well, I am biased and I love her.
Ok Ok Ok. Now it's time for the kids, cause they are just so cute.
Jumping for Joy! I really don't know what she was doing but she looks funny.
Hugging Daddy, how cute. This was like the fifth picture she wouldn't hold still.
SWITCH BABBIES!!!
This is so old, from 2003 I think. But it is the only pic I can find of me and Lucas. I need more pictures of him anyway seeing as how he's getting bigger.
Lucas and Grandma. Even though I didn't take this one it's one of my favs. Don't kill me for putting it there Robin, its a good pic.
KISSY FACE!! Everytime Jade sees this picture she flips out and runs to hide her face. She's embarassed but I think it's the cutest damn thing ever. And they kissed like three times for the camera and she wasn't so shy then.
This is the 'hammiest' damn pic but I love it. Big smiles that day.
Princess Jade, Christmas 2003. She's so cute.
He wanted to drive. When he got the seatbelt on he thought he had it made and threw a FIT when I told him he had to get out. It was cute all the way up to the fit part.
All I can say about this pic is that it melts my heart.
Last but not least is Lindsey. This was hanukkah.
She was three here. Probably one of the best pics I have taken. Her mom still has this one up in her room.
Me and David, eons ago, on Thanksgiving. I like this picture because we are both smiling (doesn't usually happen in our pics). He likes it because, well, he;s a guy and there is clevage.
My ABSOLUTE fav pic of David. He just looks so damn sexy.
I wanted one of my brother and this is one of my favs. This I think was a training exercise they were doing to keep busy. Don't they just look all intimidating.
MY PUPPY!!! I love Ginger. Isn't she the MOST adorable girl dog ever? Well, I am biased and I love her.
Ok Ok Ok. Now it's time for the kids, cause they are just so cute.
Jumping for Joy! I really don't know what she was doing but she looks funny.
Hugging Daddy, how cute. This was like the fifth picture she wouldn't hold still.
SWITCH BABBIES!!!
This is so old, from 2003 I think. But it is the only pic I can find of me and Lucas. I need more pictures of him anyway seeing as how he's getting bigger.
Lucas and Grandma. Even though I didn't take this one it's one of my favs. Don't kill me for putting it there Robin, its a good pic.
KISSY FACE!! Everytime Jade sees this picture she flips out and runs to hide her face. She's embarassed but I think it's the cutest damn thing ever. And they kissed like three times for the camera and she wasn't so shy then.
This is the 'hammiest' damn pic but I love it. Big smiles that day.
Princess Jade, Christmas 2003. She's so cute.
He wanted to drive. When he got the seatbelt on he thought he had it made and threw a FIT when I told him he had to get out. It was cute all the way up to the fit part.
All I can say about this pic is that it melts my heart.
Last but not least is Lindsey. This was hanukkah.
She was three here. Probably one of the best pics I have taken. Her mom still has this one up in her room.
Monday, August 15, 2005
Baby Sounds Will Soon Fill My House
I'm so excited. My first dr visit is today so I'll fill in the details tomorrrow. Just so excited. April 19, 2006 (that sounds so far away but it'll be here so soon) we will have a new baby!!
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
Monday, July 18, 2005
Is this my life?
I can not stand it anymore. I ran, not far and fast, but I ran away and for all those that say running away does nothing I beg to differ. I felt liberated, renewed, and free. Now, I am once again a prisoner and slave to her insults and belittling comments. She acts so innocent like she could never do anything wrong, she's just a cancer patient trying to make it through the day. Well, I'm just a woman tired of being beat up on for the last 23 years and trying to make it through the day without causing someone bodily harm.
For years there were the comments and looks and snide remarks. She said to me yesterday, "But I do tell everyone how great they are when..., doesn't that mean anything?" NO! Not after all the years you have beaten me down, not after all the years you have blamed me for everything wrong in your life. What do you think a child will remember more, saying only once "I didn't have to take you in, I did it because your mother didn't love you and look how you repay me! By being a spoiled, selfish, self-centered little bitch! I don't know why I waste my time" or the very rare "I'm proud of you for doing...."? I will go with the first, because I remember that vividly and only remember one time in my life that my mother said she was proud of me, no two. The first time was because I got on a horse and did something she wanted me to do because she was afraid. Not anything I wanted to do or was proud of, something forced on me. And the second time was when I got my AA (woo hoo), which I was proud of but I only got a "Yeah, I'm proud, even I couldn't do that."
I was finally beginning to feel like a real person, like I could live without her. Lori (my old counselor) would be so disappointed right now. She had me going the right direction and steering away from my mother. She was getting that voice out of my head and helping me to live with my feelings, not how I thought my mother would feel. My intense need to be appreciated and validated, which I am not entirely sure has ever really happened in my life. She told me I had to do things for me, to stay away from my mother because of the way she makes me feel...incompetent, unworthy, useless, lazy, selfish, a waste of time energy and air, well, all the things she said to me as a child. And now, I sit here and wonder if that is what I need to do, not worry about her, assume she can handle things on her own (after all, if there is a problem all you have to do is throw money at it) and let me be and live my life starting over in another place without her. I would feel immense guilt and pain, anger and frustration, but I would not have to live with her daily put downs and degradations.
My goal in life was to be happily married, educated and employed, and to have my own family. I was well on my way, and all of a sudden the world came to a crashing halt because my mother was sick. I look around wondering, why am I the only one willing to help, and I realize, it is because she has completely chased off one (Jim, who openly admits he hates her and wants nothing to do with her, and I am close behind on that bandwagon) and has driven the other to alcohol and drugs. Me, no, she made me completely dependent on her, going so far as to stunt my social skills by not allowing me out with my friends so that I would have no one else but her. And it worked, that stupid crazy bitch did it. And now all I want to do is run away, but there is that piece of me she programmed just right saying, you can't ever leave. Just like when I was younger every night she would tell me "You'll live with me forever". Well, I suppose she is on the right track to get her wish.
She is so wrapped up in her own unhappiness and fits the cliché so well-Misery loves company-because all she seems to want to do is cause drama between me and my husband. Which, unfortunately happens naturally because when I am around her I become this evil, vindictive person and say horrible mean things to him because I can't say them to her, she wouldn't approve. But, on top of all this she comes to me constantly, "You husband lied about this today" or "Your husband did this wrong today". What the fuck am I gonna do about it? Take it up with him, he is a grown ass man and I am not his babysitter. She constantly tells me what crap he is (apparently she still is miffed that I got married, making it undeniable that I will not be depending on her forever) and then turns around and says, no I love David what are you talking about I never say bad things about him. Really, you argue with him enough. He is ready to leave me here because he simply can not deal with her. [He was treated, well we will just say poorly as a child because it is not my right to reveal information that is not mine to tell, and he said my mother was worse than what he had to deal with. I think I would have rather been in his situation, physical abuse is much easier I think. Wounds and scars heal, words stay in your mind and haunt you forever.] She is so hell bent on my misery that sometimes I act like I couldn't be happier with the world and watch as she tries desperately to bring me down by trying to argue with me or crying and telling me I am horrible to her and making her feel like crap.
Oh, her favorite thing at the moment is to scream and cry and tell me that I don't love her and I am there to help her but I am only worried about my self. Achm, excuse me. The only thing I am truly concerned with lately is getting out of the closet of a room my husband, dog, and I are sharing, yes. If I am forced to live here with you I believe I have the right to be as far away from you as physically possible and comfortable with a little bit of elbow room. But, am I mistaken that by halting my entire life and permanently screwing up many things so that I can take care of you, is selfish and self-centered? Yet, when I bring that fact up it isn't enough that I have given all of that up, I no too must give up whatever sanity I have left to listen to her drivel on about things I have heard five hundred times and heaven forbid I say I have heard it before because she will cry and have a pity party and tell me I don't care and I am a selfish horrible person for not listening to the nine hundredth rendition of how horribly she was treated when she was a cop or about how she left Mike (who I considered my father) for another man she absolutely adored and loved and forgive me for not wanting to hear about her sex life please, because these are not things I feel I have to listen to. And then she tells me, so nonchalantly, that she is glad the gun is out of the house so now she doesn't have to worry about shooting herself. And, at he same time, saying it as if it would be my fault if she did. Well, I'd do it for her in a minute just so she would stop muttering about me and calling me a piece of shit and a horrible worthless bitch every time she walks through a room I am in. Wonderful woman, hope I am absolutely nothing like that to my children. Already told David just to shoot me if I ever am.
I am babbling, I know, I have so much hate and anger in me I can not even think straight. Just the sound of her voice makes my whole entire body tense up and want to scream and throw something. She could be saying the nicest thing and I want to break something. David doesn't understand why while she is being 'nice' I am being mean. Well, because I don't think there is anything she can say to me now to make me stop hating. I don't like that word because it is so strong, but I really do think it is hate. Hate that she makes me feel less than I am. Hate that she thinks she is superior to me in some way and can flaunt that over me. Hate that she has ruined the lives of people that I care about and continues to torture them daily from afar with hurtful things she has done in the past. Hate, and fear, that I will have the same feelings as I get older and can not get her out of my head. Hate that she has so much control over my feelings and my life and I feel I have lost all control. Hate.
For years there were the comments and looks and snide remarks. She said to me yesterday, "But I do tell everyone how great they are when..., doesn't that mean anything?" NO! Not after all the years you have beaten me down, not after all the years you have blamed me for everything wrong in your life. What do you think a child will remember more, saying only once "I didn't have to take you in, I did it because your mother didn't love you and look how you repay me! By being a spoiled, selfish, self-centered little bitch! I don't know why I waste my time" or the very rare "I'm proud of you for doing...."? I will go with the first, because I remember that vividly and only remember one time in my life that my mother said she was proud of me, no two. The first time was because I got on a horse and did something she wanted me to do because she was afraid. Not anything I wanted to do or was proud of, something forced on me. And the second time was when I got my AA (woo hoo), which I was proud of but I only got a "Yeah, I'm proud, even I couldn't do that."
I was finally beginning to feel like a real person, like I could live without her. Lori (my old counselor) would be so disappointed right now. She had me going the right direction and steering away from my mother. She was getting that voice out of my head and helping me to live with my feelings, not how I thought my mother would feel. My intense need to be appreciated and validated, which I am not entirely sure has ever really happened in my life. She told me I had to do things for me, to stay away from my mother because of the way she makes me feel...incompetent, unworthy, useless, lazy, selfish, a waste of time energy and air, well, all the things she said to me as a child. And now, I sit here and wonder if that is what I need to do, not worry about her, assume she can handle things on her own (after all, if there is a problem all you have to do is throw money at it) and let me be and live my life starting over in another place without her. I would feel immense guilt and pain, anger and frustration, but I would not have to live with her daily put downs and degradations.
My goal in life was to be happily married, educated and employed, and to have my own family. I was well on my way, and all of a sudden the world came to a crashing halt because my mother was sick. I look around wondering, why am I the only one willing to help, and I realize, it is because she has completely chased off one (Jim, who openly admits he hates her and wants nothing to do with her, and I am close behind on that bandwagon) and has driven the other to alcohol and drugs. Me, no, she made me completely dependent on her, going so far as to stunt my social skills by not allowing me out with my friends so that I would have no one else but her. And it worked, that stupid crazy bitch did it. And now all I want to do is run away, but there is that piece of me she programmed just right saying, you can't ever leave. Just like when I was younger every night she would tell me "You'll live with me forever". Well, I suppose she is on the right track to get her wish.
She is so wrapped up in her own unhappiness and fits the cliché so well-Misery loves company-because all she seems to want to do is cause drama between me and my husband. Which, unfortunately happens naturally because when I am around her I become this evil, vindictive person and say horrible mean things to him because I can't say them to her, she wouldn't approve. But, on top of all this she comes to me constantly, "You husband lied about this today" or "Your husband did this wrong today". What the fuck am I gonna do about it? Take it up with him, he is a grown ass man and I am not his babysitter. She constantly tells me what crap he is (apparently she still is miffed that I got married, making it undeniable that I will not be depending on her forever) and then turns around and says, no I love David what are you talking about I never say bad things about him. Really, you argue with him enough. He is ready to leave me here because he simply can not deal with her. [He was treated, well we will just say poorly as a child because it is not my right to reveal information that is not mine to tell, and he said my mother was worse than what he had to deal with. I think I would have rather been in his situation, physical abuse is much easier I think. Wounds and scars heal, words stay in your mind and haunt you forever.] She is so hell bent on my misery that sometimes I act like I couldn't be happier with the world and watch as she tries desperately to bring me down by trying to argue with me or crying and telling me I am horrible to her and making her feel like crap.
Oh, her favorite thing at the moment is to scream and cry and tell me that I don't love her and I am there to help her but I am only worried about my self. Achm, excuse me. The only thing I am truly concerned with lately is getting out of the closet of a room my husband, dog, and I are sharing, yes. If I am forced to live here with you I believe I have the right to be as far away from you as physically possible and comfortable with a little bit of elbow room. But, am I mistaken that by halting my entire life and permanently screwing up many things so that I can take care of you, is selfish and self-centered? Yet, when I bring that fact up it isn't enough that I have given all of that up, I no too must give up whatever sanity I have left to listen to her drivel on about things I have heard five hundred times and heaven forbid I say I have heard it before because she will cry and have a pity party and tell me I don't care and I am a selfish horrible person for not listening to the nine hundredth rendition of how horribly she was treated when she was a cop or about how she left Mike (who I considered my father) for another man she absolutely adored and loved and forgive me for not wanting to hear about her sex life please, because these are not things I feel I have to listen to. And then she tells me, so nonchalantly, that she is glad the gun is out of the house so now she doesn't have to worry about shooting herself. And, at he same time, saying it as if it would be my fault if she did. Well, I'd do it for her in a minute just so she would stop muttering about me and calling me a piece of shit and a horrible worthless bitch every time she walks through a room I am in. Wonderful woman, hope I am absolutely nothing like that to my children. Already told David just to shoot me if I ever am.
I am babbling, I know, I have so much hate and anger in me I can not even think straight. Just the sound of her voice makes my whole entire body tense up and want to scream and throw something. She could be saying the nicest thing and I want to break something. David doesn't understand why while she is being 'nice' I am being mean. Well, because I don't think there is anything she can say to me now to make me stop hating. I don't like that word because it is so strong, but I really do think it is hate. Hate that she makes me feel less than I am. Hate that she thinks she is superior to me in some way and can flaunt that over me. Hate that she has ruined the lives of people that I care about and continues to torture them daily from afar with hurtful things she has done in the past. Hate, and fear, that I will have the same feelings as I get older and can not get her out of my head. Hate that she has so much control over my feelings and my life and I feel I have lost all control. Hate.
Thursday, July 14, 2005
Moved....
I have moved. I didn't want to move, and I am not happy but I did it for her. Back at my mom's. I couldn't stand her before her brain was fried why in g-ds name did I think I could do it now? David and me and Jade on the weekends and Ginger is driving everyone crazy. Uch. This is horrible. I just hope I make it out alive.
Friday, June 24, 2005
Friday, June 17, 2005
Two In One Month...I'm On A Roll!!
Oh lord. Why did I think I could take five classes in two months. I am losing my mind and I have only finished the first week. All day Monday through Friday and Jade on the weekends. How am I going to think? And David has her for two weeks coming up...sanity? One good thing on the school front, my F I had last semester is going to be changed to an Excused grade so my GPA will go from the 2.9 it made me have back to my 3.4. Now I can breathe again.
In other news, for those of you who don't know yet because I can't get you on the phone....I am moving. To the land of Far Far Away. Well, Fort Richardson probably. Don't know where there is? Think north, very very north. Arctic circle north, 1.5 hours from Anchorage, Alaska north. It's better than Germany which is where he wanted to go first. Uch. Dirty Germans. And no English, sob. We decided to wait until Jade is older to go overseas. Oh, why the sudden moving you may ask? He is going Active Army.
I will miss the little ones the most. All of them, Jade, Lucas, Lindsey. And my mom, on her good days. I'll miss the humidity (at some point I'm sure) and the 90 degree days. I'll miss the sun in the winter and the dark in the summer. I'll miss normal people who don't wear snow boots all year round. I'll miss road trips....SO MUCH. You can't really road trip there, water on three sides and Canada on the other. I'll miss my degree, only two semesters away from graduating and I am leaving. I'll miss everybody and everything. This is gonna be so hard. Ok, I'm depressed now, Later.
In other news, for those of you who don't know yet because I can't get you on the phone....I am moving. To the land of Far Far Away. Well, Fort Richardson probably. Don't know where there is? Think north, very very north. Arctic circle north, 1.5 hours from Anchorage, Alaska north. It's better than Germany which is where he wanted to go first. Uch. Dirty Germans. And no English, sob. We decided to wait until Jade is older to go overseas. Oh, why the sudden moving you may ask? He is going Active Army.
I will miss the little ones the most. All of them, Jade, Lucas, Lindsey. And my mom, on her good days. I'll miss the humidity (at some point I'm sure) and the 90 degree days. I'll miss the sun in the winter and the dark in the summer. I'll miss normal people who don't wear snow boots all year round. I'll miss road trips....SO MUCH. You can't really road trip there, water on three sides and Canada on the other. I'll miss my degree, only two semesters away from graduating and I am leaving. I'll miss everybody and everything. This is gonna be so hard. Ok, I'm depressed now, Later.
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
Been Awile....Again
Well, life happens as we all know. Busy and all. Not much happening. School ended, bastard grades. Schools starting again in two weeks. Uch. It's a never ending cycle. Especially for me I guess. I will never be out of school, how ironic, how sad. Well, I'll be done with college soon enough anyway. Well, for now. My Masters will be next, but hopefully I won't start that for another two years or so. Let my brain have a break.
So, today I am busy. Not that any of you care but I'm busy. Tedious crap as always. Laundry, Library, UMSL, Renissance. Already paid bills, one thing off my list. But I'm excited to go to the Renissance. We are 'scoping out' the place for the wedding. Funny, the chick Rose we are seeing, her birthday is the day of our ceremony, August 13. Kim too. Well, atleast Kim will be able to get drunk on her birthday!! And maybe she won't forget one of our anniversaries (SPL?). Ok, have to shower now and go do stuff. Ugh.
So, today I am busy. Not that any of you care but I'm busy. Tedious crap as always. Laundry, Library, UMSL, Renissance. Already paid bills, one thing off my list. But I'm excited to go to the Renissance. We are 'scoping out' the place for the wedding. Funny, the chick Rose we are seeing, her birthday is the day of our ceremony, August 13. Kim too. Well, atleast Kim will be able to get drunk on her birthday!! And maybe she won't forget one of our anniversaries (SPL?). Ok, have to shower now and go do stuff. Ugh.
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
Holy Crapola
Wow, you wanna hear somthing funny? Well, I don't know that it is funny but definately shows how preoccupied I have been in life in general. I completely forgot I had this damn thing. At some point it got erased from my Favorites thing and it just slipped my mind. --shit, the news is on and they are talking about Michael Jackson, get over it all already-- So, today I am writting so I can have something here.
I have a paper to write, how boring. I also have a case study report to finish, more boring. David may be coming home for good. I say may because I truly only believe anything out of ANY military mouth until it happens, including my darling husband. My dog is flipping out, circles and such. My mind is everywhere, good lord.
Hey, I just watched that Ashton Kutcher(ahhhhhh) movie The Butterfly Effect that everyone bashed. I didn't think it was that bad. I hate scary movies, and no I'm not saying this was a scary movie, but it made me jump a couple times and that's about all I can handle so for me it was scary. I liked it, I don't know why everyone else hated it. I thought maybe it was gonna be predictable or bad acting or something but definately not predictable and the acting was....well, it was Ashton we can forgive him.
Ok, one last thing. How cheesy is it to have all memebers of your family with the same initials? David and I have been talking and we thought we'd name our children with D's. David James and Daniel Jacob (I think...) so DJR for all the guys and I have decided if we are doing that then our girl (Devorah we already decided on) will be Devorah Aviva so she is DAR just like me and then if we have another girl we'd have to figure something else out. It's cheesy, isn't it? But I like it, cheesy-ness and all. I just think the idea of kids will be fun. Oh lord can you believe Britney is pregnant? It must be the end of the world. But, of course, I will be glued to the story and waiting to see just like everyone else that has no life. (She is mighty purty)
I think I'm done now. Oh, tomorrow will be good. Ashlee Simpson concert. Technically Lindsey's birthday present but really just an excuse for a 22 yr old to go to an Ashlee Simpson concert. It should be fun, I was really excited before and I'm less excited now. Probably because I haven't seen any of her shows for awhile, yes I watch and I watched Newlyweds too. Maybe I should cruise for them tomorrow and try to watch some, MTV is like a porn, everything is seriously looped, it will eventually come on at some point. Ok, so now I'm done. Later dude.
I have a paper to write, how boring. I also have a case study report to finish, more boring. David may be coming home for good. I say may because I truly only believe anything out of ANY military mouth until it happens, including my darling husband. My dog is flipping out, circles and such. My mind is everywhere, good lord.
Hey, I just watched that Ashton Kutcher(ahhhhhh) movie The Butterfly Effect that everyone bashed. I didn't think it was that bad. I hate scary movies, and no I'm not saying this was a scary movie, but it made me jump a couple times and that's about all I can handle so for me it was scary. I liked it, I don't know why everyone else hated it. I thought maybe it was gonna be predictable or bad acting or something but definately not predictable and the acting was....well, it was Ashton we can forgive him.
Ok, one last thing. How cheesy is it to have all memebers of your family with the same initials? David and I have been talking and we thought we'd name our children with D's. David James and Daniel Jacob (I think...) so DJR for all the guys and I have decided if we are doing that then our girl (Devorah we already decided on) will be Devorah Aviva so she is DAR just like me and then if we have another girl we'd have to figure something else out. It's cheesy, isn't it? But I like it, cheesy-ness and all. I just think the idea of kids will be fun. Oh lord can you believe Britney is pregnant? It must be the end of the world. But, of course, I will be glued to the story and waiting to see just like everyone else that has no life. (She is mighty purty)
I think I'm done now. Oh, tomorrow will be good. Ashlee Simpson concert. Technically Lindsey's birthday present but really just an excuse for a 22 yr old to go to an Ashlee Simpson concert. It should be fun, I was really excited before and I'm less excited now. Probably because I haven't seen any of her shows for awhile, yes I watch and I watched Newlyweds too. Maybe I should cruise for them tomorrow and try to watch some, MTV is like a porn, everything is seriously looped, it will eventually come on at some point. Ok, so now I'm done. Later dude.
Thursday, March 10, 2005
oh lordy lordy
so its another day. im gonna be lazy today so get over it. only one class and im still struggling. oh my and pcos thing, i wondered why i couldnt get babby-fied. well thats gonna be fixed soon enough. jade has officially put in a request for a little sister, well we will see this fall. davids coming home in 5 days, thatll be interesting. oh and kim if you read this mia has invited you and lucas to jades b-day party next saturday at 1pm (march 26). and you dont answer pages uch. fine.
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
Life goes on...
I really have nothing to say but I don't want that horrid picture of me to be the first thing seen when the page is opened...uch. So, life sucks. Dropped all but one of my classes and slowly learning what my grades in those classes will be. One I know for sure will be an excused grade, thank g-d, but the other two I am still waiting to hear from. Well, nothing new for now. More Later!
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
All is NOT well in the Rusin household....
So, I got married. Yay! I am excited about that but really none of my pictures came out. I am gonna post some of them but I don't know how well this is gonna work because they are pretty crappy. Well, here goes.
Getting ready! (ok, so when I look at this I think 'Anna Nicole Smith'. Uch, I really need to lose some weight.)
Isn't this the most adorable picture?!? I love it, my favorite of all. This is Lisa putting a necklace on her daughter Lindsey.
Lucas was still trying to warm up to me...he wasn't sure what to do. He was still the cutest little boy there ever was.
David at the Ketubah signing, it's the Jewish marriage contract.
Danielle at the Ketubah signing. Once again, am I really that big, wow!
This is the whole Wedding Party. Left to Right; Bottom: Lucas, Lindsey Middle: David Sr, Susan, Lisa Top: David Jr, Danielle
All the girls! Bottom: Susan, Lindsey Top: Danielle, Lisa
Me and my Mommy.
All the guys! Bottom: Lucas Top: David Sr, David Jr
Both David's.....Son and Father, how cute.
Danielle and the kids; Lindsey and Lucas.
Danielle and the kids; Lindsey and Lucas....in color!
Danielle and Lisa
David, Danielle, and Lindsey
The only picture of the actual ceremony that turned out. There we are under the chuppah.
This is everyone at dinner. Left to Right: Lindsey, Carmy, Sonny, David Sr, Mike, Dottie, Robin, Kim, Lisa
The cake cutting. Obviously David and Danielle.
So, the majority of my pictures were taken sideways like. I am gonna get the prints evened out if possibe. Anyway, here they are. there are a whole bunch but these are really the only ones that turned out so I thought I'd just put them all here.
Getting ready! (ok, so when I look at this I think 'Anna Nicole Smith'. Uch, I really need to lose some weight.)
Isn't this the most adorable picture?!? I love it, my favorite of all. This is Lisa putting a necklace on her daughter Lindsey.
Lucas was still trying to warm up to me...he wasn't sure what to do. He was still the cutest little boy there ever was.
David at the Ketubah signing, it's the Jewish marriage contract.
Danielle at the Ketubah signing. Once again, am I really that big, wow!
This is the whole Wedding Party. Left to Right; Bottom: Lucas, Lindsey Middle: David Sr, Susan, Lisa Top: David Jr, Danielle
All the girls! Bottom: Susan, Lindsey Top: Danielle, Lisa
Me and my Mommy.
All the guys! Bottom: Lucas Top: David Sr, David Jr
Both David's.....Son and Father, how cute.
Danielle and the kids; Lindsey and Lucas.
Danielle and the kids; Lindsey and Lucas....in color!
Danielle and Lisa
David, Danielle, and Lindsey
The only picture of the actual ceremony that turned out. There we are under the chuppah.
This is everyone at dinner. Left to Right: Lindsey, Carmy, Sonny, David Sr, Mike, Dottie, Robin, Kim, Lisa
The cake cutting. Obviously David and Danielle.
So, the majority of my pictures were taken sideways like. I am gonna get the prints evened out if possibe. Anyway, here they are. there are a whole bunch but these are really the only ones that turned out so I thought I'd just put them all here.
Friday, February 04, 2005
Crabby Crabby Crabby
Yes, I am. You have a problem with that? You know what you can kiss. I am getting married in a week (thank g-d I don't have to jump off the Eads Bridge), I have buku papers not finished due in three days, I am now over 200 pages behind in my readings, I have no money, I am sick and possibly menstrual, and I am female....SO SUE ME!!!
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Ok, so now I am smiling. Look at that stupid grin. At least he comes home in three days and I can cry at him and throw fits at him. All will be normal.
P.S. For those of you that may be interested...If you go to my archives, Sept 04 I got the pictures up in the post of the men that made me me thing. Just added a little something if you'd like to see.
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Ok, so now I am smiling. Look at that stupid grin. At least he comes home in three days and I can cry at him and throw fits at him. All will be normal.
P.S. For those of you that may be interested...If you go to my archives, Sept 04 I got the pictures up in the post of the men that made me me thing. Just added a little something if you'd like to see.
Monday, January 31, 2005
They don't want me to get married
I hate the state. Leave it up to them, after all the hard work, money, sweat, tears, and even blood I have put into this wedding, to tell me I can't get married. BASTARDS!!! Oh yeah, little know statute: you can't apply for a marriage license until 30 days after you divorce decree is signed. Let's see...that's February 28. Uh oh, my wedding is FEBRUARY 13!!!!! Upset? Yes. Angry? That too. PISSED OFF??? Mostly. Everyone pray for me that this meeting goes well with the nice judge lady tomorrow because if it doesn't I'm gonna go jump off the Eads Bridge.
Saturday, January 29, 2005
2 weeks, 1 day, 5 hours & 2 minutes
I'm going to lose my mind. I thought it would be worse than this, thank goodness it isn't, but I'm still gonna lose my mind. So I got the magic Dermablend stuff to cover the tattoo....doesn't really work. Fades it is more like it and the lady said she wouldn't even get it but I'd rather have it faded then glaring in my mothers face. One last thing I won't have to hear about. So I have my (head to toe) Tiara, Necklace, Bra, Swishy Poofy slip thing, Dress, Nylons, Garter, and Shoes. Am I forgetting anything? I am sure I am. Hair is at 9am that day until 1130 (1130!) for the three of us. And hopefully I will find somewhere open on Sundays that does makeup. Lisa is still on the prowl. Poor girl, just had her gallbladder removed and here she is running around doing all the crap I'm to nuts to do.
I think we are scheduled to go taste some cake tomorrow afternoon...or is tomorrow flowers? I don't even know my own schedule. Oh crap, it's not even tomorrow, that's later today. Uch. I am so fried.
Oh, and everything else...I keep forgetting about. School work, sooo behind (bad me). And now I am the Vice President of Membership for the University of St Louis Missouri National Education Association Students Board. Responsibility I hope I can handle. And the Delta Zeta chick called me back and I am supposed to go to the open house on Feb 5. If I do that too I'll have lots of mandatory stuff I have to go to. I forgot a lot of it was mandatory, so I may not do that, but I really wanna. I guess I'll just have to go and find out. Speaking of which I have a MNEA meeting in an hour and I should go get ready.
I think we are scheduled to go taste some cake tomorrow afternoon...or is tomorrow flowers? I don't even know my own schedule. Oh crap, it's not even tomorrow, that's later today. Uch. I am so fried.
Oh, and everything else...I keep forgetting about. School work, sooo behind (bad me). And now I am the Vice President of Membership for the University of St Louis Missouri National Education Association Students Board. Responsibility I hope I can handle. And the Delta Zeta chick called me back and I am supposed to go to the open house on Feb 5. If I do that too I'll have lots of mandatory stuff I have to go to. I forgot a lot of it was mandatory, so I may not do that, but I really wanna. I guess I'll just have to go and find out. Speaking of which I have a MNEA meeting in an hour and I should go get ready.
Saturday, January 22, 2005
I am Definately NOT a Dog.
Ginger is weird. She will only eat when I am near the kitchen. Like now, not eating but giving me eyes that say "come over by the kitchen I am starving Mommy". The vet says because they are pack animals some dogs are just social eaters, and only social eaters. She will eventually eat but I wonder if she is starving all the time. (HAHA! A bite of food, yay!)
I am so the opposite. I don't like anyone to see me eat. I guess it's because before I would eat and eat and never stop kind of thing. But even now.... Like after my wedding we are going out to eat. I am ok around most of the people going but some I don't know if I can eat in front of. (Oh Lord I ended that with a preposition, don't tell my mother)And in white, so I am gonna be the stupid person putting five napkins in the top of her dress so I don't ruin it. Ach, I'll live.
I am so the opposite. I don't like anyone to see me eat. I guess it's because before I would eat and eat and never stop kind of thing. But even now.... Like after my wedding we are going out to eat. I am ok around most of the people going but some I don't know if I can eat in front of. (Oh Lord I ended that with a preposition, don't tell my mother)And in white, so I am gonna be the stupid person putting five napkins in the top of her dress so I don't ruin it. Ach, I'll live.
Tuesday, January 18, 2005
Has It Really Been That Long?
A month? No way! So busy here. David was home for X-Mas. I had to do Chanukah all by myself this time. Well, I was at Lisa's, but, anyway. School started again and thank somebody I am not working this semester. I can only handle so much stress and that would be an overload. And, on top of school, I'm trying to plan this "No Frills" wedding which I think may be more stressful than a big huge wedding. No, probably not, but when I do plan my big one please remind me that I will not die and it will go O.K.
So, not a lot going on here. Oh, I am gonna, well I'm thinking about, joining Delta Zeta. UMSL sorority and stuff, we will see how it goes. Little iffy about the girly factor and all but I have been assured there are tomboys there.
Oh, I'm on a weight loss battle thing again. Anyone care to join me? I plan to vent here regularly about the amount of fruits and veggies I am cramming down and the ungodly amnounts of way to make chicken and still have it taste like, well, chicken. I don't have a scale, that might be a good idea. And I have to start working out still but I have the food thing going right now and hopefully I can get solid on that before I try to phase in this work out thing. I love my couch too much. I think I will miss it dearly.
So anyone with munchkins, especially my favorite ones, kiss them for me and tell them you love them atleast five times today.
So, not a lot going on here. Oh, I am gonna, well I'm thinking about, joining Delta Zeta. UMSL sorority and stuff, we will see how it goes. Little iffy about the girly factor and all but I have been assured there are tomboys there.
Oh, I'm on a weight loss battle thing again. Anyone care to join me? I plan to vent here regularly about the amount of fruits and veggies I am cramming down and the ungodly amnounts of way to make chicken and still have it taste like, well, chicken. I don't have a scale, that might be a good idea. And I have to start working out still but I have the food thing going right now and hopefully I can get solid on that before I try to phase in this work out thing. I love my couch too much. I think I will miss it dearly.
So anyone with munchkins, especially my favorite ones, kiss them for me and tell them you love them atleast five times today.
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