Sleep Please

I needed a new post. I am procrastinating on a math paper that I have known about for 12 weeks. I have sent hubby out for tortilla chips and salsa. Just sounded really good. I had a thought, "Oh g-d I'm pregnant!" and then realized I'd still be a good 6 weeks away from cravings. So, now, I am just thinking, "Oh g-d I'm fat!" Not much of a morale booster...oh well.

I am so tired. Sam screamed all night. Not yelled, not cried, SCREAMED. She slept for one hour and then thought it would be fun to play. We tried, obviously in vain, to get her back to sleep. We needed sleep. Every person needs sleep. Not Sam. She's bionic. 5:30am she fell asleep. That's when David was getting up and leaving. I slept until she woke up and used my head as a drum at 8:30. 3 hours. 3 friggin hours. I haven't had 3 hours of sleep in a year! Oh, and nap time. What's nap time? I forgot, and so did Sam. She thought it was, scream some more time. Lordy. I know what it is. She has recently had a serious kick of over driven (crap brain work, you know this word--term--so well. function, you can do it.....)separation anxiety. She was great until this week. David has been gone more now with getting ready to leave and all, and she has noticed. It has never been a problem before because we were both always there when she wanted us. Now, she wants daddy and he isn't always there. So, she screams at me. She flips out when you leave the room. She flips out when she wakes up and you aren't in the room. I'm pretty sure she didn't want to go to sleep because when she woke up Saturday daddy wasn't here and she probably thought if she went to sleep he'd leave again. She's out like a light (where did that term come from?) now, knock on wood (and that one too?). I am supposed to be writing my paper free from baby interruptions but I can't. I hate it. I hate math and I hate writing 10-15 pages about math. Ugh. Can someone please tell me why I went to college?

TTC

I have officially started my progesterone to start AF and then comes the Clomid. I should know in 28 days. Everyone cross fingers, pray, whatever your deal is. We need good luck like last time, we wanna get it done the first time around since David is leaving May!!!

We Accept Responsibility

We accept responsibility for children
who put chocolate fingers everywhere,
who like to be tickled,
who stomp in puddles and ruin their new pants,
who sneak Popsicles before supper,
who can never find their shoes.

And we accept responsibility for those
who stare at photographers from behind barbed wire,
who can't bound down the street in a new pair of sneakers,
who never "counted potatoes",
who are born in places we wouldn't be caught dead,
who never go to the circus,
who live in an x-rated world.

We accept responsibility for children
who bring us sticky kisses and fistfuls of dandelions,
who sleep with the dog and bury goldfish,
who hug us in a hurry and forget their lunch money,
who cover themselves with Band-Aids and sing off key,
who squeeze toothpaste all over the sink,
who slurp their soup.

And we accept responsibility for those
who never get dessert,
who have no safe blanket to drag behind them,
who watch their parents watch them die,
who can't find any bread to steal,
who don't have any rooms to clean up,
whose pictures aren't on anybody's dresser,
whose monsters are real.

We accept responsibility for children
who spend all their allowance before Tuesday,
who throw tantrums in the grocery store and pick at their food,
who like ghost stories,
who shove dirty clothes under their bed,
and never rinse out the tub,
who get visits from the tooth fairy,
who don't like to be kissed in front of the carpool,
who squirm in church and temple and scream in the phone,
whose tears we sometimes laugh at and whose smiles can make us cry.

And we accept responsibility for those whose nightmares come in the daytime,
who will eat anything,
who have never seen a dentist,
who aren't spoiled by anybody,
who go to bed hungry and cry themselves to sleep,
who live and move but have no being.

We accept responsibility for children who want to be carried and for those who must.
For those we never give up on and for those who don't get a second chance.
For those we smoother...and for those who will grab the hand of anybody kind enough to offer it.

Ina Hughes

Boring

Life is pretty boring right now. We are just waiting for David to leave, and I am going through the worst semester of my life. Sam is almost walking. I am pretty sure she is walking at school because the chick keeps asking if shes walking at home. That's OK, it doesn't count until mommy sees it anyway. Six teeth and counting. I guess it's not so much boring as it is just busy. Hmm....maybe busy is boring. Maybe some down time would be more interesting....STTA.

Ouch

Ok, so my kid thinks she's made of steel. Or something similar. She decided today to spurt blood from a hole in the back of her head. Well, let me back up. We were playing (near the entertainment center, bad bad mommy) and she went backwards. After she bumped her butt I was relieved because it wasn't straight back. Then she continued backwards. And back, and back, and in to the corner of the shelf. Oh yeah. We knew right away there would be screaming so David picked her up to head off the major screaming fit coming. All of a sudden he jumps up and says "She's bleeding!"My heart stopped. I was trying to figure out what he meant. Like, a trickle or a gush....oh my g-d, how much. Then he yelled at me to get a washcloth. As I threw it at him I saw his hand and her chest covered in blood. I flipped out and froze all at once. My mind was moving so fast and my body refused to go anywhere. Then I was moving and searching for a phone. I was screaming for a phone, I couldn't find one. I was going in circles. Finally I found one and called for an ambulance. There was so much blood.

I went out looking for them because they can never find our apartment. When we got inside they were sitting on the couch, Sam on his lap with the washcloth on her head. They looked at her and said she looked to be ok. It wasn't going to need anything and that unfortunately head wounds bleed like crazy. In that case, CAN SOMEONE PUT THAT IN THE PARENT MANUAL SO WE DON'T FREAK OUT!?!?!? There really was a lot of blood, and she seemed ok and after a nap ok'd by the doc she was up and about. She definitely has a headache, and is a little calmer now. But, nothing horrible so far (knock on wood). Scared the crap out of me. Cried for awhile, really freaked me out.